What's the story, champions of comedically coordinated combat?!
Welcome, one and all, to the once-every-10-weeks tradition that is...
The Weekly Watchlist Wrestling Roulette!
We're back again with another spin of the wheel to find out what the RNG gods drop on our lap for the week! As these weeks chug along, I'm realizing that I need to add some more wrestling from across the globe to my master spreadsheet of nearly 3000 matches. The only problem is, I've watched a lot of them over the past 2 years of writing, and haven't done a lot of updating. So I'll need to put a bit of time into adding new stuff.
Regardless, we've got some great matches this week! Let's see what got spun up!
Weekly Roundup
Here's the rules for Wrestling Roulette;
1: I am allowed to pick 5 matches of my own from the list/not on the list I want to watch.
2: I am allowed as many rerolls as necessary until I land on a match I have not watched yet.
3: I am allowed 3 rerolls total if I land on a match I do not want to watch.
4: I am allowed to skip a match for free if it is too difficult to find or exists behind a paywall I do not want to pay for.
5: Wrestling matches can still be watched if they are not going to be up for consideration for a Wrestling Roulette review.
So, here's what I watched for the week;
Tiger King - Wrestling Commentator and Promoter?
See... I really don't know whether I should be surprised by this or not. But it came across my feed this week and I wanted to touch on it nonetheless.
This week, a VICE article from... 2020?! Wow, this is some old news. Whatever, I'm writing about it because its new to me. Anyways, an article from VICE talked about Joseph Maldonado-Passage, aka Joe Exotic, aka "Tiger King" and his brief soiree with professional wrestling. I'll let you dig into the full article on VICE, as they get into the real nitty-gritty of it all, but I just wanted to focus in on the actual wrestling portion, because that's what matters to me.
Like I said at the start, I really shouldn't be surprised that Tiger King had some sort of involvement in wrestling. I mean one look at the dude and all he needs is a mic in his hand and he's the newest manager on Monday Night RAW. He's got the charisma and character to pull something like that off, he's a fucking carnie at heart, and wrestlers have already had some amount of involvement with Tiger King and Tiger King-adjascent people, so what about this is really surprising? Honestly, if he wasn't as beat up and rail-skinny as he was, brother could probably have had a decent Intercontinental run at some point in his life.
Or, perhaps, a run with an NWA title? Because wouldn't you know it, he's not only done commentary for the NWA (Texoma), but he's ran a fucking show at the zoo! Yes! The zoo! The Greater Wynnewood Exotic Animal Park! There's a full on CAGEMATCH profile for the event as well as a YouTube video of it as well, because Joe was so obsessed with being a star, he of course had the event streamed on "JoeExoticTV." The quality is pretty dreadful as one of the only ring cameras is the hard cam, but it's got some of Joe's signature music videos throughout it, so there's that, I suppose. If you're into crash TV, I guess this is as crash as it gets. There's also no commentary for the event and I couldn;t find any of Mr. King's commentary online, but it seems to be a semi-known thing among the Texas indie scene that he was a commentator for a while, even though he apparently knew nothing about wrestling.
Regardless, this made me smile and reminded me of those good old days when everyone and their grandmother were talking about Tiger King. I'd say take me back, but I'd rather not go back to the 'pandi.
But if someone could surface some Tiger King commentary tapes, that would be greatly appreciated. And if they could end up in my inbox, cliffmorganwstl@gmail.com, that would be even better.
Here’s what we’re reviewing for Roulette Week;
• • • • •
Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle - Broken Freakin' Necks
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| Beast vs. Machine. WWE |
Bell to Bell
Main eventing WrestleMania XIX "Dare to Dream," two of the scariest, toughest, and most legitimate guys in the WWE square off for the richest prize in the sport, the WWE Heavyweight Title. Not to be confused with the World Heavyweight Title.
The opening minutes of this are pretty tight and evenly contested, with both men starting this match off by actually wrestling! I know! Wrestling in the WWE! It's crazy! It should be expected, really, with how legit both men are, but it's still fun to see. This is the first time I'm seeing this match as well, if you can believe it, so I was pleasantly surprised. Brock's freakish power is on display early and often, with Kurt's resiliency, technique, and "veteran" instincts being shown often as well. Case and point, a gorilla press slam with ease by Brock and a brilliant German suplex into the top turnbuckle from Angle.
Angle has Brock on the canvas in a tight choke, with the Beast fighting out as best he can as Angle transitions into a deep, deep modified STF/Lebelle lock. Carrying Angle on his back, Brock runs him into the corner twice to break free. Brock is able to effortlessly toss Kurt with a pair of belly to belly suplex's, with Kurt coming back with a foursome of German's to take the big man down. Insane work.
Turning an F-5 into an ankle lock by keeping hold on the front facelock, Angle tries to force Brock into submission by starting with the ankle lock, then turning it into a single leg crab. A belly to belly on Brock sends him fully inside out, with an Angle Slam nearly putting him away. Angle grapevines the leg on an ankle lock, pulling Brock to the middle, but he drags his way to the bottom rope and breaks the hold. Insane work, how did Brock survive. Landing an F-5, Brock opts not to cover, instead ascending to the top rope.
It's honestly a small miracle that this match is as good as it it, with Angle's famous "broken freakin' neck" being legitimately broken prior to this match. He apparently only had about 20% strength in his left arm, making everything in this match even more insane. Couple that with the famous shooting star press Brock lands just before the finish where he legitimately breaks his neck on the landing, everything about this match is a miracle. The fact that Brock lands another F-5 after the neck break is insanity and a true testament to how tough he is. A complete freak of nature. He lands the third F-5 and covers, landing a three count for the win.
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| Two shattered bodies. WWE |
Match Time: 21:07
Overview & Final Rating
🟢 - Highly recommended
A stellar main event that featured far more wrestling than you'd expect for a WWE product. This match fell between that sweet spot at the end of the brawl-heavy Attitude Era and just before the mid-2000's "Sports Entertainment" Era, being dubbed the Ruthless Aggression Era and having Michael Cole and Taz actually call this like a wrestling match at times! Both men have legitimate credentials that allow for them to work beautifully together, with their terrifying conbinations of strength and technique on full display. Of course, the finish to this match is legendary, and is one of the main reasons it is so memorable to this day. Despite the insanity of the last 2 minutes, this match holds up and is worth the watch.
• • • • •
The Wild Cards vs. Men At Work - Typical CHIKARA Fare
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| A King before his crown and a Middle Aged Business Tyrant. CHIKARA |
Bell to Bell
Zero and Kingston start the match, with Kingston mockingly starting a clap at the start but cutting it off by loudly shouting "nah, I was just joking, don't start sweetheart." The crowd attempts to keep it going despite him, but it quickly dies a death. The beauty of this crowd being so small and quiet, is Kingston is able to be pretty vocal and have some fun in the match. Zero tries to take him down with shoulder tackles, but he catches his arm and takes him down into a camel clutch. "Blackjack" Marciano gets in the ring to try and help, but Shane Storm, the "unionized traffic regulator," gets in the ring and holds his stop sign, halting Blackjack in his tracks. God, I love CHIKARA.
A backdrop driver onto Zero's torn newspaper leads to a tag in for Storm, flipping over Zero to land a senton. Kingston tries to convince referee Bryce Remsburg that Storm pulled his hair, and then his tights, then his... y'know, while he's held in a wristlock, with Bryce responding with a loud "WHAT?!" Kingston goes for the eyes and tags in Marciano, but Storm stays on him and keeps the advantage for his team.
This match isn't blowing anyone's hair back, but it's fun and exactly what you'd expect on a CHIKARA card. Competent wrestling, loud remarks from all involved to pop the house, and a bit of panto thrown in there to add some more fun. That's exactly what this is, just fun. It's not meant to be some stellar match of the month contender or Meltzer 5* banger, because they're wrestling for maybe 100 people and maybe twice as many people will buy the show 6 months from now. It's all for the love of wrestling, and you can't help but love that.
Kingston and Marciano stay on top of Storm, wearing him down and beating him senseless, keeping him from tagging Zero in. Kingston catches Storm with his towel on a rope rebound and takes him out, with the Wild Cards double teaming him for a few seconds, but Storm is only down for a two count. He fights valiantly to survive, even kicking out of a double team vertical suplex. Finally, Zero tags in and takes down Kingston and Marciano, with Men at Work able to land a 3D on Marciano!
Kingston eats "That Japanese Move" from Storm, who I guess is legal now, and Zero winds up for a big lariat, but Marciano pulls him out of the ring. Pinning a stunned Storm after a Marciano punch, Kingston holds him by the belt and gets the three count.
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| Laying down on the job there, Storm! CHIKARA |
Match Time: 11:57
Overview & Final Rating
🟡 - Recommended
A fine match. Simple as that. Like I said, it's fine by CHIKARA standards and works well as a fun little match. Storm got worked over the majority of the match and could have done with some more fire on the hot tag when Zero did finally tag in, but it was good for what it was and was certainly enjoyable. Don't bend over backwards for this one, but I wouldn't consider it a skipper either.
• • • • •
Cactus Jack vs. Terry Funk - King Under the Barbed Wire Mountain
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| Set for destruction. IWA Japan |
Bell to Bell
2 years on from Funk's legendary match against Atsushi Onita, Funk decided that one "No Ropes Barbed Wire Exploding Barbed Wire Boards & Exploding Ring Time Bomb" death match was one too few, so here we are in the finals of the "King of the Death Match" tournament.
A blood stained Terry Funk and a bandaged Cactus Jack square off in these finals, with Funk nearly eating barbed wire early, but showing a shred of experience and knowledge in blocking the whip. There's a version online with Mick Foley reading passages from his first book about this match as a commentary track, which is pretty cool to get to hear, so if watching the entire card or finding the full version of the show isn't your style, you can give that a watch and just enjoy the insanity.
Cactus is the first man sent into the barbed wire, a vertical suplex attempt blocked as Funk runs him backwards into the "ropes." It's not long before Funk falls into an exploding barbed wire covered board, getting out of a pin attempt. The action in this match is about what you'd expect, slow and brawling. They do a couple moves, sell for a minute, and then get back on each other. You've gotta remember that they've already beaten their bodies to a pretty bloody pulp by this point in the show, so they've got every right to be moving a bit slow. Just doesn't make for a very engaging match.
Another board exploded as Funk lands a hip toss on Cactus, which apparently did almost nothing to him, his commentary points out, with his roll saving him from the worst of it. A piledriver into a board takes Cactus out, but he's back up only for Funk to reposition the barbed wire board in the corner before tossing him into it. He's on the floor now, with Funk joining him as the brawl continues away from the barbed wire confines. They're back inside quickly, with Funk applying a spinning toe hold.
Suddenly, Tiger Jeet Singh runs in and attacks Funk, getting revenge after Funk beat him in a semi-final match earlier in the evening. They send Funk into an exploding barbed wire board with less than a minute until the ring exploded. A double-arm DDT drops Funk in the centre as Foley rolls to ringside, leaving Funk alone in the centre as... wait, that's it? To borrow a line from Marvin the Martian, "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom?" It was a pretty weak explosion and Foley himself even remarks that they looked like Roman candles.
The crowd reacts accordingly to a weak explosion as Cactus gets back inside the ring, taking another exploding board across the back. As Foley tells it, this is the worst explosion that either of them took, with Cactus going to the floor to find a ladder, using it to great effect against Funk. An elbow drop off the ladder gets two for Cactus, so he re-ascends the ladder, only for Funk to tip it and catch Foley in the wire as he tumbles back to earth. Cactus took the worst of it, but Funk was in rough shape, with Cactus draping an arm over Funk for the three.
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| "I'm gonna go ahead and run into you Cactus." IWA Japan |
Match Time: 13:21
Overview & Final Rating
🟡 - Recommended
A bit of a clunky match that's tough to rate. It's brawl heavy and exactly what you'd expect from something like this. Few highspots but plenty of gore and violence, but even that is fairly subdued. The exploding ring gimmick was as weak as it's ever been, especially when you compare it to the Onita/Funk match from a few short years prior. It really brought the crowd, and the match, down a few pegs, even if the end did some good legwork to make you forget about what happened. I wish they stayed inside the ring the whole time, stipulations like this really make more sense when you are trapped in the ring, so going to the floor as often as they did took me out of it a bit, but maybe that's just me. It's good, but could have been better.
• • • • •
LaBron Kozone vs. Jake Something - The End of DPW
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| It's all led to this. DPW |
Bell to Bell
Deciding to use one of my free picks this week, I had to come up with a solution for the double booking situation I found myself in. Let me lay it out for you real quick.
The end of my DPW subscription came up the day before this post went live, and I had 2 shows left in the DPW library. I wanted to finish DPW this week but also have a brief talk about the end of the best indie in America, but had Roulette to worry about. So, one of my Roulette picks for the week became this DPW main event. Simple as that. So now that I've got why this match is here settled, let's get into the actual match itself.
A strong, bull-like lockup starts things off, with both men seemingly meeting an equal when it comes to size and strength. It's rare to find someone as burly as Jake, but Kozone is more than equal to the task of standing toe-to-toe with the Worlds Champion. A chop battle ensues in the middle, with Jake getting the better of him, but Kozone quickly comes back, even dodging Jake's "Don't. Stop. Moving" spot, which Ive yet to see happen in his DPW run. Lining up a prone Kozone, Something clatters the back of his head with a heavy sliding lariat, keeping an early advantage as long as he's able to.
Kozone is able to fend Something off and send him to the floor, going for a dive but getting caught and dumped on the apron, with Something landing a heavy handed punch and then a running lariat next. Charging from corner to corner, he tries a shoulder tackle, but Kozone avoids and leaves him to eat the post, with Kozone focusing in on the previously wounded limb that took the brunt of the impact.
A wound opened up, Kozone focuses on the bad limb as Something is prone on the canvas. Somehow, Kozone is able to get Something up with a gutwrench, landing a big 'ol suplex. It's rare to see Jake in such a compromised position, but when you add up the fact that he's wrestling someone who is able to match his size and strength, it makes complete sense. Thankfully for Something, he's able to slip free from a back body drop and barge Kozone flat out onto the canvas.
Attempting a powerbomb, Something's bad arm costs him, allowing Kozone to fight out and fight back, but Something holds him in place with a foot on his foot. Attempting a single-arm powerbomb, he kinda gets Kozone up, still attempting a cover but only getting two. A bit sloppy, but I'll allow it, cause it's Jake. He gets about 500 free passes. Trading German's back and forth, Kozone lands a Ballgame lariat on Something, but he gets out at two!
Sparring in the centre, Kozone drops something with a forearm shot, the pains of this war starting to show. Especially when Jake tries a dive, his feet getting caught on the top rope as he drops like a stone. Kozone barely catches him before getting sent back inside. A powerbomb sets up Kozone for the end, with Something ripping him off the canvas and back down with Into the Void. He covers Kozone and the referee counts thre- no! Kozone survives!
Again, trading shots in the middle, they knock each other down, but they kip up out of each others best shots. Fighting to the corner, Jake looks to try and pull Kozone up for a Superbomb, but Kozone shoves him back, crotching Jake on the top rope. Lining him up, Kozone fires, landing a Ballgame. He covers, and the referee counts three.
Retaining the National Championship, LaBron Kozone is the new DPW Worlds Champion.
 |
| All she wrote. Ballgame. DPW |
Match Time: 18:25
Overview & Final Rating
🟢 - Highly recommended.
A stellar main event between two of DPW's biggest names, far and away. Kozone's journey from wrestling in random matches to becoming the best National Champion to winning the Worlds Championship is stellar work, even if it did come at the cost of Jake having back-to-back losses after just winning back his Worlds Championship. Something embraces Kozone at the end too, handing him his newly won championship in a beautiful display of respect. Two big meaty bastards beating the snot out of each other is a fantastic way to end DPW... if that really is how it's to end.
Because Adam Priest and Trevor Lee jump them both inside the ring! Those bastards! A brawl ensues between all four men as Trevor Lee gets on the mic, demanding that he has his National Championship match, being granted a shot at the previous DPW show.
• • • • •
LaBron Kozone vs. Trevor Lee - The Real End of DPW
 |
| To the moon, big Trev. DPW |
Bell to Bell
After Something and Priest are taken out of the ring, a referee slides in and rings the bell as Lee's face changes to a shade of white reserved only for the cleanest linen's. He turns around to Kozone and walks straight into a Ballgame, his head leaving his shoulders and sailing deep into South Carolina. Kozone stacks him for the pin and wins, retaining his National Championship in the real main event, and real last match in the history of DPW.
 |
| Ballgame, baybee. DPW |
Match Time: 00:08
Overview & Final Rating
DUD - Too short to give a proper rating, I'll instead take this time to talk about the end of DPW and what this company has meant to me, now that it's all behind me, officially.
DPW will go down as one of my favourite wrestling companies of all time and will be remembered by many more than me as the single best American indie since Ring of Honor. A 4 year run that rivals any other 4 year company run, what DPW did for the indies will be felt for years to come. It showed people the power of independent wrestling, that the passion is still there, that the indies can be just as good, and often time better, than what the big companies are putting out week after week. That there is a place for wrestlers to go where the love will be universal and because of their body of work, not just because they're an "ex-WWE guy."
I'm proud of the fact that I was able to watch every bit of DPW over the past 2 years. Well, with only a few exceptions, I watched everything. DPW revived my love for wrestling when I felt like I was going insane for watching WWE week after week, month after month. It introduced me to countless names that I'll be following and supporting now for years to come. I'd list some of them here, but I don't want to neglect a name I loved and feel bad about it after the fact. So just know this, if you passed through DPW's doors, I was a fan. I enjoyed your work, and you've found yourself a new fan.
As far as where this leaves the indies? I really don't know. It's been a few months now since DPW has ended and Prestige has just shuttered its doors as well, meaning 2 of the biggest indies in America have had to close up shop for one reason or another. There aren't many "big" American indies left that have the following or platform that DPW or Prestige had, maybe GCW and West Coast Pro, but not many others come to mind. It's a scary timeline to live in where there are no big American indies, and I fear we are teetering dangerously close to being in that timeline. I hope DPW maybe takes a year or so off and comes back better than ever, but if it doesn't, I suppose we've got 4 years of memories and fantastic shows to live with. I also hope that this void has given way for other, smaller indies to grow in size and fill the gap. Maybe a new one will form out of nothing, or maybe a small one will triple in size overnight and become a juggernaut. Who's to say.
I remain hopeful for the future of the indies because, if DPW taught us anything, the market for amazing wrestling organized by people who genuinely care will always exist.
• • • • •
There it is! Another Wrestling Roulette in the books! Maybe not the craziest as far as RNG is concerned, but I had to lay out the end of this review for something near and dear to me. I hope you can understand.
Until next week. Be well, stay safe, and love one another.
cliffmorganwstl@gmail.com
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