What's new, advocates of artificial altercations?!
We've got a pretty infamous bout on offer for you guys this week, less for the in-ring action and more for the injury and story surrounding this match. I don't spend a lot of time focusing in on the injury, for the squeamish in the audience, so feel free to read this without fear of losing your lunch.
Let's not waste any more time in the preamble, let's get into this, yeah?
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| NJPW |
Weekly Roundup
Here's what I watched for the week;
Here’s what we’re reviewing for the Watchlist;
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Big Van Vader vs. Stan Hansen - Watch For The Lariat!
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| All gas, no brakes. NJPW |
🔔 Bell to Bell 🔔
Out of every match in Vader's deep and rich catalogue, this one is perhaps the most infamous. Not due to the quality of action between the ropes, but for the injury that takes place mere minutes into this wild brawl. I'll be sure to warn the more squeamish readers when I'll be breaking the injury down so you can skip ahead if you so desire, so just know it won't be the focus of this entire review. It gets as much time in writing as it is given during the match, honestly, which isn't a whole lot.
The match starts hot, with Vader and Hansen shoving one another in the opening moments before the bell even rings. I don't know if there's any story line reasons for why these two are so agitated, or if it's just what happens when two bullish wrestlers collide, they feel the need to puff their chests and establish that they're the biggest dude in the ring. Either way, it's a hot opening and it got me hooked from the very start.
It's kinda hard to do a blow-for-blow breakdown here, so let me put it to you simply, for a solid 2 and a half minutes, Vader and Hansen are in lockstep, practically fused to one another. I know I use the phrase "neither man gives an inch" in some of my reviews, but this is exactly what I mean, they are locked together and landing heavy, heavy shots on one another with little to no give whatsoever. Pulling and pushing around the ring, to the ropes, to the corner, every inch of this ring is their playground.
Eventually, Vader is able to grab a limb and pull Hansen out of the corner, forcing him to the canvas with a chickenwing to establish a semblance of control in the opening. Hansen eventually works his way around to his back, fighting Vader's pressure, with Vader eventually letting Hansen free to remove his mask.
Now, this is the point where I will discuss the injury. If you feel that you'll be too squeamish to read about this, go ahead and skip the next paragraph.
Well, there's no way to sugarcoat this, Vader's eye popped out. Yup. His whole ass eye was sticking out of his head. Now, not like, flopping out by the optic nerve like a fish out of a pond, it was merely a few inches further out of its socket than it belonged. Vader, being the tough bastard that he is, fucking shoves the eye back in his head and keeps fighting. It's easily one of the most legendary injuries in wrestling, right up there with Sid's leg breaking in half at WCW Sin, it feels like a "second year wrestling fan" piece of trivia to learn about. Y'know what I mean? Year one is Montreal and the Cell match at KOTR '98, year two are these injuries and Vince buying WCW, just feels like the kind of trajectory most fans go through.
Alright, are we back? Cool! Now, I'm not going to discuss the actual injury here, but I want to try and figure out when it happened. Like many people who heard about this match and injury, I assumed it came about in a pretty noticeable moment, like Hansen clearly swung for the injury and caused it to... y'know, do the thing. But alas, the actual moment seems to be either completely missed by the camera, or hidden in the mess of limbs.
Here's my amateur analysis. Vader and Hansen are swarming each other in the corner, a mess of limbs and masculine fury, it's in this swarm that I believe the injury occurred. A lot of hay is made about Hansen being legally blind, which I didn't realize until writing this review, which only makes his vicious lariat that much more dangerous. Considering the fact that a 300 pound pissed off Texan is swinging his arm like a baseball bat with his eyes all but closed. But his lack of eyesight doesn't seem to be a contributing factor to the injury, in the mess of fighting in the corner, Hansen's thumb accidentally caused the injury and Vader, hyped up on adrenaline, didn't realize it happened! Which is even more insane to me.
So, Vader is officially injured here, to the best of my understanding, he takes Hansen down by the arm to try and get some control, maybe something they discussed in the back, or maybe it's Vader trying to assess his new compromised situation. The whole time he's holding Hansen down on the canvas, he's injured, dealing with the pain, confusion, and sensory issues caused by said injury. Like, that's utterly insane to me. It takes Vader like, easily a full minute to react to what happened to him, only for Hansen to still be on him, pushing in on a wounded Vader in the corner like a bear chasing down a deer. Insanity.
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| 'ader Crush. NJPW |
So, we're back to the match now, analysis over, Vader rips off his mask and ditches it to ringside, assessing his injury as the crowd reacts in disgust when the camera gets a shot of his face. Hansen is back on Vader in seconds, with Vader kicking and swinging at him to try and keep the distance he was able to create. Tossing Hansen across the ring into the opposing corner, Vader lands a splash as he continues to tend to his injury. Whether it's just Hansen selling the splash or giving Vader some extra time to recover here, I'm sure it's a bit of both, you can tell that Hansen has seen the injury up close and knows well enough to back off for a moment. Hell, I'm sure Vader was shouting at Hansen "back the fuck off!" when he started to swarm him again. That's the last thing I'd want to deal with, a pissed off, hurt, and frantic Vader.
Stumbling around the ring, Vader returns to Hansen, who gets offence in on the monster in the form of a gut kick and some solid punches to the forehead, staggering Vader back a few steps. Bounding his head off the corner pad, he snapmares a stunned Vader to the canvas, drilling him in the top of the head with an elbow. Getting Vader in a chinlock, Hansen holds him down on the canvas, only for Vader to reach a paw up and grab Hansen by the hair, using this to allow him to rise to his feet.
Backing Hansen into the corner, Vader unloads on the big man with rights and lefts, cracking him in the ribs and face as Hansen absorbs shot after shot. Shooting him into the corner, Vader tries for another splash, but Hansen sidesteps and saves himself, catching Vader with a big back suplex! (the only reason it's not being shown in GIF form is because the referee blocks the entire thing. Thanks, ref) Effectively resetting things, Hansen again tries to pull Vader up and crack him with a lariat, but after rebounding off the ropes, Vader is stood in the centre and barges Hansen off his feet with little to no effort.
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| A Vader-shaped wall. NJPW |
Getting to his knees, Hansen lines up Vader and bullrushes him, colliding head first with Vader's head, a vicious headbutt that sends Vader crumpling to the canvas. A boot sends a rising Vader to the floor, with Hansen following him out. This is where the match spends most of it's time honestly, brawling around the floor. This is far from a technical spectacle or a hold-heavy affair, I mean, did you really expect that with these two? This match is a lot closer to a barroom brawl, something you'd see between two big pissed off bastards trying to prove who is the real bull of the woods.
Vader drops Hansen gut first on the barricade and barges him down to the floor, taking him back to the ring to resume their legal brawling. Shots to the now wounded gut of Hansen keep him doubled over, with Vader trying to pull him to his feet but Hansen drops his ass in the ropes and keeps himself grounded. A boot to the gut drops Hansen right down to the canvas, with Vader swarming him on the floor with even more kicks. Hansen tries to escape the flurry by rolling to the floor, but Vader is quick to meet him outside, continuing the assault before tossing him back into the ring.
A heavy bodyslam and pin nearly takes Hansen out, but he survives. Ascending to the top, Vader crashes into Hansen with a lariat that takes him off his feet mere seconds after rising, with another pin attempted but only a 2 count scored. It's horrifying enough to see Vader leave his feet, let alone from the fucking top rope, but for it to not be a three count? Crazy work. Keeping Hansen down, Vader cracks him with heavy hammer fists and elbows to the gut, even dropping an elbow on the wounded ribs.
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| Air Vader! NJPW |
Fighting up from his knees, Hansen gets pulled to his feet and shot into the ropes, ducking a 'line from Vader and rebounding off the opposite side, only to eat a lariat on the flipside. Falling to the floor, Vader catches his breath before joining Hansen outside, positioning him against the corner post before going for a splash, only for Hansen to avoid the impact and leave Vader to crash in an empty pool. Both men are wounded now, sucking back air, with Hansen on Vader this time, sending him back in the ring to try and press his advantage.
Vader is on his knees, with Hansen laying in boots and knees to the fallen monster, sending Vader crawling and rolling around to the opposite side of the ring, eventually falling back to the floor. On the backfoot, Vader tries escaping Hansen, but he stays on him on the floor, taking a few steps back before crashing into Vader to send him over the barricade and to the floor. Meeting him on the other side of the rail, eventually pulling him back to ringside, they continue their brawling back inside of the ring, with Hansen dropping an elbow and going for a cover, but Vader gets a boot on the rope.
A knee drop is attempted this time, with Hansen grabbing the outside leg of Vader to keep it off the ropes, but he shoves his way out of the fall to survive. Pulling Vader to his feet, Hansen shoves him off the ropes and catches him with a back elbow, dropping Vader again. Rushing down for the cover, he completely covers him for two, with Vader getting out just in time. Adjusting his elbow pad to call for the lariat, Hansen tries to shove Vader off the ropes, but he gets reversed and sent there instead. Rebounding, Vader catches him with a fucking dropkick! What?!
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| This is absurd. NJPW |
The brawling continues, with a Vader lariat met with a a Hansen lariat. It doesn't quite have the "killing blow" stank behind it, but it's enough to stagger Vader back a step or three. They lock horns again and spill to the floor, trading punches and forearms back and forth, eventually falling to the floor with Vader on top of Hansen, laying into him with heavy punches to the dome. Into the crowd and nover the barricade they spill, the referee doing everything he can to try and restore order and get them back in the ring, but it's useless. Reaching a 20 count, the referee is forced to rule this match a double count out.
Match Time: 15:47
Overview & Final Rating
🟢 - Brutal, messy, but highly recommended
Like I said early on in this review, this match is far from a technical spectacle, a mat classic, or a showcase of skills, this is two big, burly bastards hitting each other hard and seeing who will stand up first. It's rough, it's messy, it's chaotic, but it's damn fun. Vader and Hansen are fantastic sparring partners and can match each other almost perfectly, going power-for-power almost perfectly. I don't think the injury slowed this match down a who lot, honestly, except for the first few minutes after Vader realized it happened. From then on, things were chugging along at the speed you'd expect, and it didn't let up for a second. Fantastic work from both men.
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Until next week. Be well, stay safe, and love one another.
cliffmorganwstl@gmail.com
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