What's the story, advocates of artificial altercations?!
Felt like having some fun a mere week after the Super Bowl with a special edition of the Weekly Watchlist! It's not so much a match as it is just 20 minutes of fun, but if you'll indulge me this week, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled nonsense next week.
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| WWF |
Weekly Roundup
Here's what I watched for the week;
Here’s what we’re reviewing for the Watchlist;
• • • • •
The Rock vs. Mankind - The Great One defends in a Looney Toons-type brawl
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| Showdown at the O.K. Corral. WWF |
Basic Breakdown
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| 11 chair shots to the head. WWF |
Mankind's time on top would be short lived, however, as only 26 days later at the 1999 Royal Rumble, The Rock would unseat him from his throne in one of the most hard-hitting and often times uncomfortable matches in the history of the WWF, winning the championship for his second time.
Now, a mere 2 days later, The Rock looks to defend his newly won WWF Championship against the former champion in a no rules, no DQ, falls count anywhere, empty arena match during the half time of the 1999 Super Bowl. What followed is one of the most chaotic, insane, and fun matches in the history of the WWF.
Bell to Bell
With Mankind already in the ring, The Rock is accompanied to the ring by the man who is set to call the rest of the match, taking the place of Michael Cole and Shane McMahon, Mr. McMahon. One of the many highlights of this match is that the complete lack of a crowd allows for you to hear everything said between Mankind and The Rock, which is especially fun when you have someone as charismatic and fluent in smack talk as The Rock. Mankind is no slouch here either, audibly telling Rocky "you get the first shot" when they finally meet inside the ring, following Rock's tirade as he climbs inside.
They trade lefts and rights inside the ring, with Mankind shooting Rock into the ropes and catching him with a aback elbow before going for a quick cover. Rock is out at one, but turns right into a butterfly DDT from Mankind! Another pinfall, but Rock escapes at two, holding his head as he slowly pulls himself to his feet. Behind him, Mankind retrieves Mr. Socko from his waistband, equipping his filthy sock before clamping on the mandible claw! The match looks to be well in hand for Mankind, but Rocky rolls out through the ropes and onto the floor, narrowly escaping certain disaster.
A sliding dropkick catches The Rock on the floor, with Mankind twisting The Great One around for a neckbreaker and a cover on the floor, but Rocky escapes. A curse is caught with a bleep during the kickout, assumedly from the champ cursing that he's caught in such a situation. Mankind pulls Rock to his feet and tosses him face first into the ring bell, a faint ring from the bell as it falls to the floor can be heard, which brings me to another point I'd like to make. I hope you enjoyed their time inside the ring, because that's the last time they'll be between the ropes for the rest of the match!
Despite that, McMahon urges both men to "keep it in the ring!" as Mankind tossed The Rock onto the announce table. Punching Rock's skull at the steel steps, Mankind tries to shoot the champ into the barricade, but gets reversed and sent not only into it, but through it as well! Thankfully, there's nobody in the seats for him to crush, as he barrels through the first two rows of chairs with ease.
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| Watch ou- oh wait, nevermind! WWF |
With Mankind laid out on the floor, The Rock assaults him further, tossing him into the chairs, piling more and more on top of him. McMahon is making it no secret who he's rooting for on commentary, giving The Rock his flowers every chance he gets. With Mankind buried in chairs, The Rock makes his way to the commentary desk and snags the headset off McMahon, the chairman standing next to him with the biggest grin on his face while the rock cuts a promo on the mic.
"Finally! Half Time, Super Bowl! The Rock! The Great One! The most electrifying man in sports entertainment today! If ya smell what The Rock is cookin'! Now I'll tell ya what, what Mankind can do-"
The Rock gets cut off by McMahon, realizing that Mankind has risen from the heap with Socko held high, staggering towards Rock as he cuts his promo with his back to the stadium seats. Mankind drags Rock around the floor with Socko in his mouth, only for Rocky to fire off a kick between Mankind's legs to break the hold. No DQ, so it's totally legal to go for the jewels.
With Rocky climbing the stairs, Mankind follows Rock and begins to assault him from behind, only for Rocky to climb further and further up the steps. The Rock is alone for a bbrief moment, cutting a promo to nobody in particular as Mankind struggles to his feet behind him, staggering up the stairs. With Rock at the top of section 220, he finds a trash can and hides behind the barrier to the walking path, waiting for mankind to appear in front of him. The moment Mankind passes the threshold, Rock assaults him with the trash can, spilling its contents all over the floor.
With Mankind on the floor, laying down at the top of the steps, The Rock takes a few steps back and drills him with a kick. "Three points! Right between the uprights!" McMahon shouts on commentary, referencing a real sport during this fake athletic contest. Mankind rolls down the stairs, getting caught for a moment before willingly crawling down the steps when he sees Rock begin working his way down, brandishing a trash can.
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| Field goal! WWF |
Marching down the steps, The Rock is shouting down to Mankind with all sorts of trash talk, my favourite, and most audible of which, was this line;
"You look like about 10 pounds of monkey crap in a 5 pound bag!"
Slamming the trash can across his back, The Rock is censored over and over as Mankind begins to crawl his way down deeper into the arena. We're joined briefly by Kevin Kelly and Shane McMahon on commentary live from a packed Saturday Night Heat taping, reacting to what had just happened in the match.
Back to the live match, a camera is sprinting through the kitchen area of the arena, catching up with Rock and Mankind as The Rock breaks a broom across his back before tossing him into a rack of cotton candy. It's bedlam in the back, with The Rock stealing Socko and mimicking the voice of the inanimate sock.
"Oh no Rock! Oh no Great One! No no no! Don't put me in the oven! Don't put me in the ov- oh no!"
Tossing Socko into a pizza oven, The Rock gave Mankind enough time to get back up to his feet, only to get shoved head first into the pizza oven! Mankind wails in agony from the heat, stumbling away from his aggressor and the (allegedly) hot oven. Snatching Mankind from behind, Rocky tosses him across a counter, knowing trays of lemonade shooters to the floor.
⚡Move of the Match⚡
A tray is bent across the head of Mankind as he stumbles through the kitchen, right next to a rack of break, with Rocky tossing a loaf into the head of Mankind. Surprisingly, it has little effect.
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| "Make a bread pun, Morgan, it's the yeast you could do!" WWF |
"Referee, know your role and get down here and count!"
The Rock covers Mankind with a lazy, arrogant cover, with Mankind able to escape with relative ease. Rooting around through the kitchen for another weapon, Rocky finds a brand new bottle of Jack Daniels, singing a happy little tune as he cracks it open, shouting at Mankind to "stop making a mess!" as he crashes into a cart of dishes, sending them scattering to the floor. Taking a swig of Jack, Rock probably hoped to spit a mouthful in the face of Mankind, but instead gets caught with a punch to the jaw, sending both the bottle and the mouthful flying.
Stumbling away from The Rock after sending him into the cart of dishes, Mankind comes back with a comically massive bag of popcorn. Like, I can't stress enough to you how insanely massive this bag is. He wails away on Rock with this giant bag until it falls apart to nothing, with a mountain of popcorn forming on the ground. Tossing him through an exit door, Mankind and Rock spill out into a banquet area where- wait! I thought the arena was empty! There's a bunch of tables set up with people sat around having idle conversation and finger food!
McMahon addresses them as the "crew," so I guess I'll let it slide, even if this goes against the very name of this match as being "empty arena." Rocky takes a bit of a piece of popcorn and spits it out, disgusted at it having "too much salt!" Smashing him with another trash can, Rock and Mankind make their way to the food area, tossing baskets of utensils, towers of cups, and trays of bread at each other. I can only imagine the feelings of the crew right now, watching this mess be made knowing full well they'll be spending the next few hours cleaning it up. I mean, what can they do to stop it? Nothing. Squat. They're sat there helpless while these two goofballs create a mess that they'll have no part in cleaning up! Children, the pair of them!
Both men are covered in salsa, mild, by the way, The Rock proclaims with anger, as Mankind pulls Rocky in for a piledriver. It's thwarted as he kinda back body drops Mankind onto the table of warming trays, sending what looked to be potatoes all over the floor.
So much for seconds... WWF
They stumble away from the catering area a bit, only for Rock to toss Mankind into some decorative pillar on the table.
"Have some of this, huh, You like this- The Rock doesn't even know what this is but you like it!"
The Rock looks to smash some sort of squash over the head of Mankind as he shouts that, searching the table for more plunder. A low blow from Mankind takes Rock down for a close three count, with Rocky crawling further down the line of tables, knocking Mankind down with the bowl of ice.
"Chico! Throw The Rock a soda! Know your role!"
Rocky catches a Pepsi (not sponsored) and takes a swig before pouring some on the back of Mankind's head, Gonna be a sticky mess to deal with when they finally hit the showers.
Through another set of doors the pair go, with cameras darting around to find them and pick them up. Through an office comes one camera, with Rock and Mankind brawling in the hallway. A right hand sends Mankind stumbling into a chair before crashing to the floor below, with Rocky standing over him and drilling him with kicks. Suddenly, the phone rings, with The Rock taking it upon himself to answer. He is a corporate champion, after all.
"Oh, well what do ya know! How convenient! The phone's ringing! Yes, SmackDown Hotel! That's right- well, no, Mankind's not available right now his mouth is full with The Rock's FOOT in his mouth!"
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| Do you call collect? WWF |
Laying more "heavy" boots into Mankind, he sends him tumbling into the sofa. The phone is only hung up for a few seconds before another call comes through, so The Rock of course answers it again!
"SmackDown Hotel! Corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive! No! Mankind can't talk! He's a little TIED UP right now!"
Tying Mankind up with the phone cord, he chokes him to the floor, only to get distracted by one of the remaining office workers.
"Look at you, honey, what are you lookin' at? You don't want none of the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today...you really don't, do ya? Well you're a big fat piece of trash anyways, get to stuffin!"
He gestures for the door as she darts out, watching as Mankind has risen from the ashes to assault Rocky once again. Down the hall they brawl again, with Mankind lurching around and stalking a crawling, wounded Rocky. Around the corner they brawl, with McMahon tossing back to Shane and Kevin Kelly for their take on everything going down. Kelly is quick to reassure Shane that he shouldn't count Mankind out just yet, as the pair brawl to what looks to be the loading dock area of the arena.
Laying into Rock with heavy right hands, Mankind staggers behind the WWF Champion as they both go for a heavy punch, sending both men tumbling to the concrete floor. Somehow, Mankind came prepared with a second Socko, retrieving it and equipping it as he stalks a loopy Rocky. Blocking a punch, Mankind applys the claw and sends him staggering back towards a forklift, it's skid of kegs raised high in the air. It's operator, a forklift certified individual, sits there and watches as two men brawl ever closer to him and his machine. Rock is subdued below the load of the forklift, with Mankind seeing the skid raised high in the air.
"Oh, you're gonna love this!"
With crazy intentions, Mankind pulls the limp Rock closer to the wheels of the forklift before asking the driver of the forklift to "get out, please." Hopefully, Mankind is forklift certified, shouting "down! Down! Down!" as he lowers the load down onto The Rock. Literally pinning the rock beneath the forklifts load, Mankind sits on the kegs as the referee counts three! Mankind has done it! He's the new WWF Champion!
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| Don't let OSHA see this. WWF |
Overview & Final Rating
🟢 - Highly recommended
A perfect bit of Attitude Era fun, this match was less of a match and something closer to a skit disguised as a brawl. Mankind and Rocky were clearly having a ball brawling all around the arena and doing all sorts of insane shit to one another. If you're a wrestling puritan and can't stand when the goofiest sport in the world gets a bit goofy, then this match isn't for you I'm afraid. But if you can tolerate a bit of Looney Toons-esque comedy, then this is something you need to check out, absolutely. If you haven't already, of course.
• • • • •
There you have it, wrestling fans, another week down! Felt like having some fun this week and doing a slightly delayed Super Bowl themed post. I already did something for Valentines Day last year, so didn't want to double up on that for this year.
Until next week. Be well, stay safe, and love one another.
cliffmorganwstl@gmail.com
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