Wrestling Fans!
We've reached a pretty big milestone here at the Wrestling Vault! 50 editions of the Weekly Watchlist! Personally, I can't think of a better way to celebrate this special occasion with another edition of...
The Weekly Watchlist Wrestling Roulette!
Let me break this down for any new readers out there real quick. Every 10 posts, I let a random number generator pick what I watch and review for the week (the "and review" is an important qualifier, read on to find out what I mean) and it often leads me to watching matches, promotions, or wrestlers I either have never watched, not watched in forever, or reminded me that I like a certain style more than I remember! It's a lot of fun. So far, my master spreadsheet is rounding the final corner towards 1900 entries. A lot of it is current stuff I've been keeping up with, but I've got a lot of older stuff on there too. Plenty to choose from.
Don't believe me? Well, read on and see for yourself!
Weekly Roundup
Here's the rules for Wrestling Roulette;
1: I am allowed to pick 5 matches of my own from the list/not on the list I want to watch.
2: I am allowed as many rerolls as necessary until I land on a match I have not watched yet.
3: I am allowed 3 rerolls total if I land on a match I do not want to watch.
4: I am allowed to skip a match for free if it is too difficult to find or exists behind a paywall I do not want to pay for.
5: Wrestling matches can still be watched if they are not going to be up for consideration for a Wrestling Roulette review.
So, here's what I watched for the week;
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| Had to REALLY zoom out to get this snapshot. |
As you can plainly see, I watched a lot of non-roulette wrestling this week. I was catching up on AEW with Double or Nothing on this weekend and totally forgot it was roulette week until I was already on the final episode of Collision for the week. I talked about this in my last edition of Wrestling Roulette so I decided to add it on as rule 5. As long as it's considered non-canon, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme. Sure, the point of roulette week is to force myself to watch other stuff, but I'm still doing that! Just keeping up with my usual watching, that's all! Get off my back guys, geez...
• • • • •
Glenn Spectre & Mokujin Ken vs. Team PWG - CHIKARA Tag World Grand Prix 2005 - Night 1 - 02/18/2005
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| Gotta figure some stuff out first. CHIKARA |
Always seems like CHIKARA shows up in these roulette weeks, eh? What can I say, I added a bunch of their events to my sheet a while ago when I was doing a deep dive of them. I've since put that on hold, but the entries still sit there. Just staring at me. Menacingly.
I remember watching this match a looong time ago and was kinda excited to review it here! But after watching it, I realize I'll be reviewing what happens before the match more than the match itself. But it's CHIKARA, so it'll be good fun.
Team PWG consists of B-Boy and Super Dragon, but their opponents are unknown. When they make it to the ring, President of CHIKARA Leonard F. Chikarason comes to the ring to draw names from a hat to announce their opponents. The first name drawn is... Bob Saget?! Like, THE Bob Saget?! Bryce does his job of running from the ring, to the curtain, shouting for said person, and then running back into the ring to yell at Carolina Jim and Chikarason that they aren't here. Like, gets in their face and yells, popping Carolina Jim. The curtain is about 30 feet from them and they are inside a small event hall, something you might have a birthday party in, so he really doesn't need to do all that. But he does.
The next name called is "Doomsday" Danny Rose, with Bryce hollering for him at the curtain. He makes his way down to the ring in jeans with a beanie on. Clearly ready to work.
His
partner is announced to be Adam Flash, who happens to be the other half
of Rose's team, the Rachies! Bryce sprints to the curtain and yells his
name, with Flash parting the corner dressed similar to Rose. But this
cool cat has a bottle in his hand, spitting his huge wad of chewing
tobacco inside as he strolls to the ring. Tasty.
Chikarason asks them why they aren't in gear and ready to fight, but Rose assures him they are good to go right now, "whether you like it or not!" But Chikarason is adamant, not seeing how they are in any condition to wrestle! He half jokingly-half seriously tells them to walk a straight line, as it seems like both men have been partying a bit too hard. He tells them flat out "if that's the case, I can't pay." They don't need to hear anything else, climbing out the ring as quickly as they entered, ducking back behind the curtain to resume their partying.
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| No payday?! CHIKARA |
Well, time for more name drawing, eh? The next name drawn is Starman. Bryce heads for the curtain, makes the call, only to return to the ring all by himself.
The next name drawn is Wonderman. Better than Starman? Who's to say. Bryce goes back out, calling Wonderman, when music starts playing, "Toxic" by Britney Spears, heralding the entrance of... Wonderman. What we are treated to is Glenn Spectre (I don't know either) dressed as Wonder Woman. I'm pretty sure I heard a couple F-slurs flying, even if this is advertised as "family friendly entertainment." He does a lap of the ring, sits in the lap of... another man?! and then he kisses... *gasp* A MAN?! Commentary makes sure to reassure that that's fine, "I guess." Boy, you could get away with a lot in the early 2000's, couldn't you?
The next name drawn is Ken the Box. I'm sorry, Ken The Box? Well, any questions you could have had are quickly answered as Ken the Box, also known as Mokujin Ken, makes his way to the ring. Good lord, what is happening. This is nuts.
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| I have no words. CHIKARA |
10 seconds of research reveals that Mokujin is a Tekken character based on a wooden training dummy. He's from Tekken 3, released in 1998, so I guess it's not that old in 2005? Ken the Box had a very, very short run in Japan under the box (???) portraying this character, surprisingly winning matches despite being completely incapable of getting between the ropes.
Alright, we have a team of two out here, let's get this match underway!
Ken makes his way around the ring, I don't know how he's going to help Wonderman here because B-Boy and Super Dragon fucking jump him in the corner, just beating the snot out of him. They both stay in the ring for longer than they should, chopping and hitting Wonderman as he struggles to stand and defend himself. Eventually, B-Boy gets out but quickly gets tagged back in by Dragon. The match isn't much better with B-Boy and Wonderman on their own. Bryse is scolding Ken for not being in his corner and Wonderman is getting tossed around and stomped out without even trying to stop it.
By the grace of God, Wonderman is able to collect himself after a double team whip into the ropes, kicking B-Boy in the gut and sending Super Dragon shoulder first into B-Boy's ribs. An assisted spear, if you will. Dragon collects himself and tries for a forearm out the corner but Wonderman catches his arm and turns him around into a cutter! A gutbuster drops B-Boy as Dragon moves next to his partner to check on him. Wonderman sees this as the chance to get his partner involved, running behind his opponents and... shoving them out by their ass? Are we supposed to see that as him, like, sticking a thumb up there? I have no idea anymore.
With B-Boy and Dragon on the outside, Ken boxes B-Boy and Dragon down to the ground, knocking them off their feet with the impact! From here on out, there's not a lot to write about. Dragon stomps the fuck out of Wonderman, with B-Boy and Dragon going to the top rope to land a double-double foot stomp for the finish. Dragon breaks a piece off of Ken to really stick it to the tree man, with team PWG advancing to the next round.
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| Super stomped to hell. CHIKARA |
This
wasn't really a match at all, honestly. CHIKARA is no stranger to
doing silly, comedy stuff on their shows, with some wrestlers just a
straight up comedy gimmick. Moments of humor are fine and give a show
some variety, and I enjoyed it, but don't seek this match out if you
want to see a Super Dragon, B-Boy, Wonderman or Mokujin Ken classic.
Well, maybe a classic of the last two, given how small their catalogue
of matches is.
• • • • •
The Undertaker vs. Triple H - WWF Wrestlemania X7 - 04/01/2001
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| A first time matchup! WWE |
This was a real pleasant surprise for a roulette match this week! Wrestlemania X7 was one I watched quite a few times when I first got back into wrestling and heard that this was the absolute best Mania to ever happen. I was, and kinda still am, a big fan of "American Badass" era Undertaker. Sure, I didn't live through it so I miss all the weeks where he cut long, boring, droning promos or tried to be an MMA guy, but a lot of his matches from this era were a lot of fun!
I distinctly remember a promo of his I watched a bunch of times years ago. There was just something about it that I couldn't get enough of. It wasn't until years later I realized it was part of the buildup to this match! Wow! What a coincidence!
All that said, I don't particularly love this match, and I don't really hate it either. I like it, but I'm not really opinionated one way or another. There's one particular moment in this match, and I'm sure all of you know exactly what I'm talking about, that keeps me from enjoying this match more.
Before the match even begins, We're treated to Motorhead playing Triple H's theme song "The Game" live! This entrance is infamous for Lemmy's performance of the song. The band sounds like Motorhead, which is to say, "bone crunchingly loud,"but Lemmy has no idea what he's singing. He's gone on to say that he never liked playing the song as it's not something he or the band wrote. Hence why Lemmy is kinda stumbling and mumbling his way through this entrance. It could also be the Jack Daniels, but who's to say, honestly?
Undertaker makes his way to the ring on his motorcycle, screaming down the ramp and around the ring. He's in the ring long enough to pose for the crowd before climbing righ tback out the other side and taking the fight to Triple H at ringside. This isn't a Street Fight or No DQ match, keep in mind, so everything right now is legal as the match hasn't started. Once Triple H is rolled in the ring and Taker joins him, the fight is on.
Undertaker is all over Triple H at the start, going through his rolodex of moves, playing out a veritable greatest hits in the early moments. At one point, referee Mike Chioda tries to tell Triple H he can't use his sledgehammer, getting brushed aside only to be knocked out after Undertaker slingshots Triple H into the corner, with Chioda in the way. He's semi conscious, able to count the pin on Undertaker's sky-high chokeslam but it only scores a two. So, of course, Undertaker lays out Chioda with a kick to the head and an elbow drop.
This is the moment I was talking about, the one that holds me back from really loving this match.
Chioda is down and out for ten minutes and fifty five seconds. Plus or minus a few seconds depending on what you consider being "conscious" and able to register whats happening in the ring. At what point can someone be declared brain dead? Because surely, 10 minutes is more than enough time. EMT's should have had him in a bag and in the morgue by the time they got back to the ring. Maybe it was all a rib on Chioda, all he knew was "sell like you're out cold when we hit you and don't do anything until Undertaker grabs you" and he was led to believe it would be like, 3 or 4 minutes at the most. But nope. 10 minutes of this 18 minute match are spent out on the floor.
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| Bye bye, H! WWE |
Back on their feet, they brawl through the crowd and back to the ring, with Chioda still out cold as Undertaker goes for the sledgehammer this time. Seeking revenge after Triple H crowned him with the same weapon, resulting in him getting 16 staples (so says Jim Ross) and a permanent scar. Undertaker lines up Triple H and holds it high, but H goes low, kicking Taker in the jewels. Undertaker lands a tombstone after a punch exchange only to remember Chioda is still dead. He shakes him alive and goes for The Last Ride. Triple H grabs the sledgehammer as he goes for the ride, cracking Undertaker in the dome with the hammer and covers him, but Undertaker survives.
Triple H mounts Undertaker in the corner and delivers rapid punches to his wounded, bloody skull, but this proves to be a fatal error. Undertaker snatches him and pulls him up, taking Triple H for his Last Ride. He slides over for the cover and wins, his streak now sitting at 9-0.
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| And what a ride it was! WWE |
What more can be said about this match that hasn't been a thousand times already? It's great! Triple H and Undertaker are pros and are in their early-prime years. It's a pretty standard match for these two, aside from the big scaffold bump there's nothing crazy in this match, but they put it together well and work well together. It's great. Been a while since I've seen this match so it was nice to go back and see it again.
• • • • •
Jigsaw vs. Rorschach - CHIKARA Young Lions Cup II - Day 1 - 07/10/2004
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| Illusion vs. Enigma. CHIKARA |
Normally, I don't like doubling up promotions in my reviews, especially during a roulette week. But this week had some pretty slim pickings, not a lot on offer that I really liked and the one match I picked (the next one I'm reviewing) kinda flopped. When I watched this one, I knew I could say some stuff about it that would be worth talking about, so that's why it's here!
Something I've been really surprised by during my time watching CHIKARA is how so many of their top guys are all very, very similar. I mean build wise, of course. Think about it, the two dudes here, Jigsaw and Rorschach are both just over 6 feet tall, skinny, masked with a singlet top and trash bag pants. And it's not just these two, Ultra Mantis Black and Hallowicked are two others that come to mind. These four dudes are just about the only consistent members of the CHIKARA roster, from day one until their last days. Sure, all four had their own characteristics, Wicked spoke gibberish, Mantis screamed and was a veritable cult leader, whereas Jigsaw and Rorschach were pure wrestlers, with Jigsaw often siding with the Rudos and Rorschach siding with the Tecnicos.
Tonight, it's the "High Flying Optical Illusion" Rorschach up against "The Wrestling Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma" Jigsaw. Two of CHIKARA's top names I'd argue. There's no commentary track on any CHIKARA shows yet, so it's only the sounds of the pony ring clattering beneath their feet, the grunts and slaps on in-ring-action, and the occasional "ooh" and "yay!" from the crowd. It's pretty elementary at the start, with Rorschach claiming Jigsaw tried to remove his mask, giving him the opening for a cheap shot but Jigsaw is able to get the better of him.
Going back to talking about these dudes and how similar they are, it's honestly nuts how two dudes with nearly identical builds can work this American-lucha style CHIKARA was known for. Like, they do dives, flips, and head scissors in there as a 6 foot dude to another 6 foot dude in a small ring. It's very impressive. At one point, Jigsaw is sent outside and Rorschach flies over the top! He flips over the top and crashes into Jigsaw and the first, and only, 3 rows of seats. Jigsaw even goes for a corkscrew moonsault of sorts off the top and to the floor. He doesn't get all of it with how short the ring is and where Rorschach is standing, but it's still impressive.
Both mena re down on the inside with Jigsaw on his feet first, meeting Rorschach when he stands and backing him into the corner with some vicious strikes. Even going so far as to land a running boot scrape to Rorschach when he's seated in the corner. With Rorschach on the top rope, Jigsaw climbs up to pull him down. Rorschach is in the better position and goes for a sunset flip to pull Jigsaw down but Jigsaw holds fast. He grabs the legs of Rorschach and drops from the top, crushing him and holding him tight for the pin to win.
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| Crushing the riddle. CHIKARA |
This match wasn't insane or filled with blistering action, but when you consider what sort of action you usually see on a CHIKARA show, this was great! These two are far and away the most seasoned and experienced on the roster and blend perfectly together. It's the earliest days of CHIKARA here and I know these two mix it up a lot more in the future. My deep dive of CHIKARA is gonna be filled with matches between these two and I'm very excited for more.
• • • • •
Eddie Gilbert vs. Terry Funk - Texas Death Match - WWA - 11/14/1992
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| Ah yes, "Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup yellow", my favourite. WWA |
I'm pretty confident in saying that this is probably my most divisive match on the blog. Far and away. I've made it no secret that I use CAGEMATCH to source and research a lot of what I watch for the blog. I know it's not a perfect resource and the ratings aren't to be treated as gospel, but it's a good guideline for what's good and bad, generally. You tend to see ratings that are either all "this match is awesome", all "this match is mid," or "wow this match fucking sucked." Obviously with some outliers, we all can't agree on the same thing.
Same with Meltzer's rating system. Sure, it's become a bit of a joke in the past 10 years or so, but when you've seen as much wrestling as him, you tend to have a pretty good barometer for what's good and bad. His five star matches tend to be universally praised and his matches with less stars receive a similar rating from fans. He's a great guideline, but I don't think he should be treated as ratings gospel either.
So tell me why then that this match has a perfect 5 star rating from Meltzer, with CAGEMATCH unable to decide if they love or hate this match? Seriously, it sits at 5.10, with ratings all the way from 0.0 to 8.0 and everything in between. So some of you are probably wondering, "why on earth did you pick this match if nobody can decide if it's good or not." Simple! After watching the Dark Side of the Ring episode on "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert, I was fascinated by this man. He had a charisma, a gravity about him that I needed to see more of. I was rooting around my spreadsheet and saw this match sitting next to another match I had already reviewed. Seeing Funk and Gilbert in the same match, which just so happened to be Texas Death of all stipulations? Sign me up.
The video quality isn't great for this match and the camera man is... well, a man with a camera. With this being a Texas Death match, a lot of it spills out into the crowd, which is just 350 people in what looks to be a high school gym. Gilbert is already in the ring in the version I have with Funk coming down with his branding iron. He gets in the ring and the announcer runs down the rules. He's a bit clunky in reading them out but does well enough. Basically, it's Vader/Mankind rules. Which doesn't happen for another year but I feel like that's a Texas Death match that a lot of people have seen. Pin your opponent anywhere you want, there's a 30 second rest period. After that, he has a 10 count to get to his feet. If he doesn't get to his feet, he loses the match. Simple, yeah? I mean, seems pretty simple. The crowd, however, grapples with this ruleset.
They don't keep it in the ring for very long before Funk goes to the floor, brawling to the side opposite hard cam. Well, "hard cam" is a blatant lie, because you can tell the guy is fiddling with the tripod to get the camera free, finally removing it as he makes his way across the gymnasium, pushing through the crowd and trying desperately to see what is going on. Not long after he makes it over, they're back in the ring with Gilbert pulling Funk in for a piledriver. He nails it and is able to cover Funk for the three, with the crowd popping for the fall and then just... silence. The announcer announces the 30 second rest, and then the 10 second portion, but again, the crowd isn't really too receptive to it. Maybe it's because this fall happened 3 minutes into the match? I think they're asking too much of these fans.
There's another fall on Terry pretty quick after the first one and, I'm gonna be honest, I'm pretty sure that they don't kick out of a single pinfall attempt. And y'know what? I don't hate that? Would you rather kick out and get right back into the action in a match where pinfalls really don't matter in the end? Or would you take the chance to have a forced rest period in a fucking death match? Guy like me? I'm resting.
The brawling is pretty fundamental and what you'd expect. They use the solid plastic gym chairs, the ones that don't fold but you can stack like, 15 high? Yeah, those ones. Gilbert has colour as the brawl up the bleachers, with Funk bodyslamming Gilbert on the solid wood seats! Fuck!I neglected to mention, but Funk also has colour. These guys are wrestling in front of 350 fans in, what I'm convinced is a school gym, stumbling and falling with blood leaking from their skulls all over their floor, their seats, even the mats they have on the wall. These guys are maniacs and I love them.
Halfway
through the match, Terry locks on his signature spinning toe hold,
which Gilbert verbally submits to multiple times. He still gets to his
feet despite shouting "You're breaking my leg! You're breaking my goddamn leg!" Quit crying wolf dude, it's fake, remember?
There's
parts of this match I do enjoy when I look at it in a different lens.
Like Terry putting the toe hold on over and over, logically that's what
you should do in a wrestling match. "Oh, my finishing move didn't
work? Guess I'll just do it again!" Or even them purposefully letting
themselves get pinned, giving them a chance to recover before the match
carries on. But then, I realize I'm 12 minutes into this 26 minute
match. It's nearly a half an hour and the brawling isn't really that
exciting, especially with how many times they go for a pin.
There's so much down time in this match, it really kills any excitement
you have when they are beating the snot out of each other with weapons
and the like.
Near the end of the match, Gilbert decides to pull a Shawn Michaels circa SummerSlam 2005. He sells getting dinked in the head with a chunk of wood like he just stepped on a landmine. With both men on their knees, Funk drives Gilberts head first into the wood and Gilbert posts himself completely vertical. Every. Single. Time. It's hilarious and goofy, but I don't really get why we're doing shtick 25 minutes into this thing. This then leads to both men outside the ring on the floor, flat out on their stomachs.
It's at this point, the ring announcer makes the announcement that the first person to get to their feet is the winner. He's quick to remind us that there must be a winner, so we're suddenly doing last man standing rules here. Also, I totally forgot to mention, but whenever they got to the floor, the crowd of course had to disperse as these two lunatics stumbled and brawled wherever gravity took them. But as soon as they got back in the ring, the staff was on them, shouting "ALRIGHT! LET'S GO! BACK TO YOUR SEATS!" Hilarious.
Knowing this is now sudden death, they start to stir, with Gilbert using the ring to help himself up. He nearly makes it but collapses, with Funk using the apron to get to his feet. He's declared the winner but Gilbert is outraged, attacking the referee and taking Funk back inside the ring to dribble his skull off the scrap of wood. They continue to brawl after the bell, through the rest of the gym and into the stands again. Eventually, the storm subsides and both men separate. Finally, peace has been restored.
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| Caught in the crossfire. WWA |
Well,
this was certainly a match that happened. I think I'm firmly in the
camp of "this match is very ok." I didn't love it, I certainly didn't
hate it, I just think it's... fine. This is certainly one of Meltzer's
most curious 5 star matches, I'd love to know what he sees in this match
that I'm clearly blind to. Texas Death is a great gimmick match but
doing in front of a crowd that was excited for sure but probably doesn't
care about the nuances of this kind of stipulation is probably the
wrong call. That, and having near constant pinfalls to break up the
already fairly bland action helps nobody, in my humble opinion.
• • • • •
There
we have it! Roulette number 5 in the books as we get closer and closer
to one full year of the Wrestling Vault. Wow, hard to believe.
As always, send whatever the hell you want to cliffmorganwstl@gmail.com I just want someone to send me something. Anything guys, you're killing me here.
Until next week, take it easy friends.
Cliff Morgan
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